Why do people play game with their hearts?

Why is that people tend to play games when come to relationship? Is this a game that involves both female and male, or it is something that woman made up in their head? Woman trying to play all these games to get the upper hand in the relationship. Why can we all just be honest with our feelings and let it be what it is. I mean, we always try to figure out what is it the other person is thinking. I’m sick of it, why don’t you just tell me how you are feeling?

I miss him!

I really miss him….

When you point your fingure at someone, there are 3 fingures that point back at you

“You are not in love until or unless you love yourselves”–

That quote raised alot of questions that I’ve been asking myself. Am i capable of loving someone? Do I love myself? Why can I love myself? Why is that I focus so much on other people flaw when I have so many of my own? Why can I gentlely be happy for myself or for anyone for that matter? Why am i so competitve and why am i so jealous of other? Where is my heart? What’s really valuable to me?

Many questions that have been avoided because I can’t simply learn to accept me for who I am. Why is that? If god can love me, why can’t I love myself? I am a creation of him, i am an image of him. He put so much thoughts when he created me. Who am I to not love the work of the allmighty?

It’s time for me to make many observations about myself and learn to accept me for the good and the bad. I must find the source of all these bitters I bear within me. Time to be joyful, and I can’t doing so unless I learn to accept who I am and to love me for who i am. If i can’t love me, who can?

So let it starts.

I have to accept the fact that i’m not the popular girl, that i can’t just blending in, and that I can be shy at first. It’s okay, It’s okay to be shy.

What stop us from Joy?

to be continued

My perfect Valentine!

He was a perfect Valentine any girl could possilble asking for. He gave me an opportunity to experience what a valentine’s day should be. I have to admit, I gave up hope for a perfect Valentine’s day because of many disapointments I have from not only my previous relationship but also from him previously. Therefore, I tend to hate Valentine’s day just so i won’t have so much expectations and be disapointed. However, that all changed this year.

After the last visitor, i was emtional drainage and in need of what real love is all about. I asked him to come visit me as soon as he can because I really need to see him to recover my feeling I have for him and for love. He came on thursday of the Valentine’s weekend. We went out for a nice dinner. Things were a bit awarke for me since I haven’t seen him in a while and i just got burn by the last guy. I went to work on Friday and left him with my car so he can get around. He picked me up on Friday’s night and we went home to change so we can go out. When i got home, he told me to close my eyes and walked me inside to my suprise. He got me a rare Orchid that i always wanted. In additional, he picked the most beautiful card ever. For his gift, i cook for him and gave him a mean massage. We had a very intimate time along with many meaningful conversation.

Saturday was a bit un-eventful just because neither one of us made reservation. We made a last minute reservation to Luigi’s. Went shopping prior to lunch/dinner. We went to see “He’s not that into you..” and then went home for some deserve.

Sunday, we went to chicago to ice-skating. He was so sweet, holding my hand the entire time so i won’t fall. We walked across the ice-skate ring hand-in-hand. To make it better, the snow starts to falling while we were ice-skating. We share a cup of hot chocolate on the cold day. I can’t think of a better place i rather be than with him at that moment, or for that whole weekend. He was a perfect gentleman and i wish that i can feel like that all the time. I hate breaking his heart whenever I’m going through with my emtional.

Chicago prior to sunset

Chicago at night time

  

My time in Chicago

It has been 6 months since i left Texas and moved all the way to Chicago. To be honest, I sort of accept the job in Chicago without knowing what has in store for me and/or the detail of my plan. I just took the job and trusted that God has a plan for me here in Chicago. I mean, i had an idea of what i wanted, but i didn’t have a plan on how to achieve that. I ended up didn’t get what i wanted, which is to live with a roommate in the city, but i get much more. Looking back, everything is fall into places. He gave me a perfect place to live, closer to church and the community that he has plan for me. I’m happy with what he blessed me with. I made plenty of friends, i enjoyed my job, and i’ve found a small group that i wanted.

So far, the cold has not become unbearable yet, but it’s getting there. It actually hit below 0 degree today. I haven’t gone outside yet but from what i can see, it’s freezing. I’m a bit scared of the weather, but if i trusted god to move all the way up here, i know i can trust him to keep me safe. I had fun with the snow so far, I went sledding with my small group last week and it was a blast. I guess it’s cool to have an opportunity to live somewhere that’s completely different from where you grew up in. Now i can say i lived in chicago and survived the cold weather.

Anyway, just want to log in to say that my life is awesome because i have God in my life.

Reconciliation

II Corinthians 5: 14-17

Summary: When God died in the cross for all of our sins, we were dead with him. Therefore, we shouldn’t live for ourselves because ourselves died in the cross, but rather, we should live for him, who died in the cross and raised again. We should not love the world but rather love him. Whoever claims that he died in the cross for them will live in the new creation/world because he/she is no longer alive in the old world.

Highlights of passage: One died for all, hence, all died. This passage brings out an interesting point. I always admit that God died in the cross for me. I never view it as me dyeing and got a second chance. I died in the cross with him, along with my sins, and become the new person. I am the new creation, this is my new world, i am a new person. Hence, i should not view the world that i live in right now as a world that it was, but rather this is a new world. My eternality life starts the day that i accepted the fact that my sins were dead with god.

Lesson learn: Through this passage, i realized that i was a new person. The holy spirit just renew my faith, open my eyes to the real world that i’m living in. I’m no longer living here for myself but rather for God. I learned that i can’t be the same as i was before I accepted god in my life, as a person can’t be the same before and after she died. This is my new world, the world that creates by god. Through this passage, God tells me to live a new life. I’m his new creation, the person that he creates me, the way that he wants me, someone is so perfect in his eyes because he created me with cares and loves.

Climate for Performance

As part of the hiring process, I have to attend the climate for performance with my fellow FALD classmates. Initially, i was hestitated about this training because i affraid i won’t get along with my classmates. Maybe because I have not met all of them and not sure if I will comfortable with them. As it turn out, that was the best training that i have attended. I enjoyed my classmates and we got along just fine. As the training ended, I walked out of the training with many valuable lessons along with many new friends. Below is the recapture of the training:

Day 1: I learned that we as human have a filters that allows us to see one side of the picture, once we locked in that picture, it is hard for us to see it otherwise. Different people have different filters, that’s why we all have different point of view of the same situation. We all can look at the same picture and see two different things. I always knew and aware that people have different way of looking at the same situation, however, it’s interesting to see it first hand. In addition, that same filters allow us to see a certain things and not the others.  As the results of the filters, one must asks to see if there’s another perpestive to the same situation.

I also learn about “be here now” and how often I have a conversation with people and not be there in the conversation. Not only that i wasted my time but i also limited myself from involve with the conversation and learn something new. I have to practice to be here now for people surround me. I also learned the type of behaviors that i have. I always knew a certain things about myself, however, when we put a label on it, it helps me understand myself much better.

Unhappiness

Why did I let things get the best of me? I appear to be a tough person, yet my heart buises easily. I can get sad and hurt by the things that i have no control of. Why is that? Why would I let money and material things get the best of me. Let it destroyed my real purpose. I’m not in this world to make the most money. God didn’t put me in this world so that i can easily sell my car, get my new car, and have everything in my way. So why am i so unhappy over the things that God doesn’t intend it to be my purpose. My goal is to spread his kingdom and his word to the world. Yet i tend to get caught up with the world, and let my hearts be worry about the unworthy thing. Why can i be like tram, let life goes as god intended it. I’m over here worry about thing that i can’t change. I tend to looking for the “what if”. Of course, if things were to happen like the way we wanted, then why do we need god for. He is there for me, through small and big thing. I should put my treasure where the kingdom is, not where the money is. God will give me all that I needed, so why am i worry myself over these things. Oh lord, change my heart o lord. Renew my heart to where you want me to be lord. I don’t want to make my heart heavier to the thing that doesn’t derseved it god. God, help me with my faith about the uncertainty of life ahead of me lord. I know you are all i need to survive this world but somehow im still struggling with it. God, renew my heart!

Obeying Jesus

Why is it so hard for us to simply obey God? To do the thing that we know is best for us? Why do we disobey him? My answer is because I think I know what’s best for me. Because I’m lacking my faith in him or his power. I know that he has all the power to give me whatever that is I need in life, yet I don’t put my life in his hand.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight” Proverbs 3:5-6
This passage telling me that I should trust the lord with our decision. This passage teaching me to trust god with all my heart, not partial of my heart. I should not put all my decision based on my understanding in term of thinking I know what best for me. I might think I know what best for me but I am unable to see the big picture that God sees, therefore, I must trust him with all my heart. If i acknowledge that he knows what best for me, if i just trust him to make decision for me, then everything will fall into places. My challange is to trust him with all my heart, and have faith in him with everything that he has plan for me.

 

|On another notes, I finally share my faith with my sister, Phuong, and helping my sister see the awesome God that he is. I though she has lost her faith in god, but he seems to break through her and show her his power. This help me realize how powerful our god is. How much he loves each and all of us. He doesn’t forget any of us. He has a plan for all of us|